I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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