i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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