he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i believe in u and ur pee
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
