Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
