Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
