You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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