ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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