my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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