He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
