I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
