; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
