So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
