he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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