There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
