They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's never too late to be topless.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
