ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
