i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
