Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
