Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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