I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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