i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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