I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
