True but thats because hes a fetus.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
