Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
