Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The uberlube is also flammable
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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