Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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