In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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