i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As shirtless as possible
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
