Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
