MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
