if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
