Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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