im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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