i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
