Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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