my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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