She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
