I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
