I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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