her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
