I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
