It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
