Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
