I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
