i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
