A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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