If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
