i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
