Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
