Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
