If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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