im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
