Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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