after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
