thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
And then he peed in my hair
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