i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
