we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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