what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
