I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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