dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
